Super old Kakashi scenario for my fam @batmanruth that she let me slack on (tysm) but it’s finally done yayyyyyyy. Don’t remember the exact request something like ‘Kakashi getting angry at his s/o after a mission because she jumped to help him when he told them to leave and scolding her’ and angst/fluff(?) proceeds:
The sun is slipping out of the sky by the time Kakashi is done with reports at the Hokage office. He’s fatigued, he’s starving, but he pushes all those annoyances aside because he needs to see her.
He admits he probably should have kept his temper in check, especially on a mission. It’s not like him to let incidents on duty provoke him to blow up like he did, but he couldn’t help it. How could she be so stupid? How could she ignore everything he had told her?
He’s usually better about these things. The surge of anger that stopped him right in the middle of the battlefield should have been easy to brush off, he should have been able to save the reprimanding for later, but he couldn’t.
As soon as she jumped in front of him he could barely think, and wouldn’t have processed what had even happened if not for his sharingan. That’s what’s even more frustrating, because he should have been the smart one, the careful one. He should have been able to see what was coming. And now because of that, she’s in the hospital. Not only that, but he probably tarnished her reputation in front of their entire squad while chastising her, telling her not to make such stupid, brash decisions, and to stay out of his way.
That’s what troubles him the most, that he lashed out at her. And for what? Sure, she shouldn’t have abandoned her own duty to intervene with his. She should have followed orders and retreated like he told her to, but the battle was rather chaotic anyway, and everyone was all over the place. She was only guilty of looking out for her comrades, looking out for him, and he knows he would have done the same if he had been in her position.
The nurses greet him when he arrives at the medical center, and he doesn’t even need to ask before they direct him to a room at the very end of the hall. He’s never liked the idea of the entire village being informed on his romantic life, though it does come in handy.
He stops outside the door and considers the situation. He hadn’t really thought about what he wanted to say before arriving, he just knew he wanted to be here. And he’s never good at these sort of things, most of his attempts at reconciliation are impromptu, and it’s usually sufficient, but something feels different this time.
Reticently, he sighs, understanding he can only delay this for so long until he caves in. It’s not like this is a bother anyway, he wants to do this. It’s been bothering him ever since they arrived back in the village, he just doesn’t know how to make it better.
He walks in a second later, hands thrust in his pockets, mustering the courage to look her right in the eyes. She’s sitting up in her bed, bandages around her arms, a smaller one over her forehead.
The medic ninjas did quite a good job, she’s nowhere near as bad as she looked when they came back from the mission. He’d heard there were no internal injuries, but that didn’t really matter to him. The fact she was injured at all was enough to overwhelm his frustration with her. He really feels stupid.
“What is it,” she practically spits at him.
Wow, he thinks. Excellent start.
“Well,” he says as he ventures further into the room, “I thought I would come see you.”
“Why? To yell at me again?” she mutters.
As he approaches her side, she looks away from him and out the window. “No, not that.”
She sighs inwardly but doesn’t respond, still refusing to look at him. “I don’t want to talk to you right now, Kakashi.”
“Well, that complicates thing.” He ignores the scowl on her face as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “Because I want to talk to you.”
She huffs and again averts her gaze. It’s not that she doesn’t want to hear what he has to say, because although he’s not the easiest to forgive—a consequence of his awful attempts at making amends— she knows he’s come to apologize. To the best of his ability, of course.
He really wishes she’d give him something to go off of. There’s a multitude of things she could, and should be upset about, he just doesn’t know what to say first. “You know I only reprimanded you because it was dangerous.”
“I wasn’t going to leave you there, Kakashi.”
“I was your acting captain, and I gave you an order to follow.” He doesn’t like how she’s using his name like that. It’s very telling of her agitation; she only uses it during critical times like this. “I know why you did it, but you shouldn’t have—“
“What’s that thing you told me once, Kakashi? About not abandoning your comrades?”
Well he should have known she’d pull that card on him. And it was true, but it was different when it came to her. She was more than just a comrade, so while he can understand the principle behind his own words, there’s more on the line when it comes to her. “You could have been hurt, _____. More than you were.”
“And you could have too, you could have died.” Well, maybe not. But that’s how she’d seen it. She’d panicked and given it no sensible thought before jumping in to help him. She was just scared.
“And you don’t think you could have either?” His voice takes on a bitter edge. “I knew how dangerous it was, which is the exact reason I ordered you to retreat.”
“I don’t understand why you would berate me like you did! Maybe I didn’t expect a thank you, but I definitely didn’t expect you to blow up on me, and just completely demean me like that.” Her voice is harsh, well above the tolerance she’d retained, or tried to retain, up until now.
He sighs. “I’m sorry for that. I am. You can understand why I was angry, though.”
“You would have done the same for me, wouldn’t you?”
Again, he expected that. And there’s no way he can dispute it. “Yeah, I would have.”
“So don’t pretend like what I did was such a bad thing, Kakashi.”
“It was a bad thing,” he snaps. “It was naïve.”
“Oh, so now I’m naïve? I see.”
“No,” he sighs in frustration. “Your decision. It could have cost you your life, maybe others in the process—“
“But it didn’t!”
“_____,” he speaks her name in earnest, partly to relay the severity of this, partly to discreetly shush her because she’s practically scolding him now. He doesn’t really like the idea of the entire hospital knowing his business, plus the gravity of this dispute is bothering him. He doesn’t want to fight. He doesn’t like fighting with her. Though a consequence of his own wrongdoings, he’s still going to try to fix this as efficiently and genially as possible. “I’m sorry. You know I wouldn’t have acted out if I didn’t have to.”
“And you didn’t have to.”
“No, I did. Because it’s my job as your superior to protect you, to make sure you’re safe. And…” He does feel quite silly saying it, but the disquiet in her eyes is forcing him to cast aside any emotional detachment that keeps him from passion, especially at times like this. “I already can’t forgive myself for almost putting you in danger—more than I already did, I guess. Or more than you did, really.” Her little glare isn’t subsiding. Oops. “All in all, you have to know I did it because I was afraid. Watching you run in there, it scared me.” Just say it, he scolds himself. “You know I didn’t want to lose you out there.”
What a relief, at least he had the conviction to say that much. He could say a dozen other things, more warmhearted, more convincing. He wants to show her how much he cares but of course, the doubt from his own emotions holds him back. He’s just not good at this sort of thing.
That definitely trumps the line of discourse she had prepared for this inevitable squabble. But he makes it so difficult when his feeble and haphazard attempts at making reparations somehow pull her heart strings, and make the tension surrounding this ordeal suddenly seem ridiculous.
“I know. It’s just…” And then more than when he’d chastised her, more than when he’d admonished her in front of the entire squad, there’s an outrage she can’t shake off. “I don’t know why you would even tell us—me to retreat. You know I couldn’t leave you, Kakashi. You know that’s not something I would have been able to do, or live with if something had happened to you.”
And thanks to her, nothing did. He’s sure a few impediments could have been avoided if she hadn’t jumped in so brashly, but she’d provided a distraction—not a very calculated one—which served as their means to escape. So while the grievance is still there, because she had no right to put her life on the line for him, it’s the reason they’re both here.
She rubs her thumb over a dark bruise on her arm. Kakashi’s resolve is unsettled with guilt once again when he realizes that he came out of the battle unscathed. The self-reproach seeps its way into his conscience again and it drives his sentimentality.
“And those are my thoughts exactly, ____. I wasn’t going to risk you getting hurt, you and the rest of the squad. I understand why you did it. So try to understand why I gave you the order in the first place, and why I blew up when you didn’t follow it.”
“Just don’t make me do that again… Don’t scare me like that again.”
Part of him is relieved at the calm in her voice, the lack of tension that had been so prevalent when he walked in. The other part aches because she sounds so grim. He hadn’t meant to impair her peace of mind, though he’s by no means in a pleasant place either now. But he’s willing to overlook her indiscretions as a subordinate in favor of appreciating her sentiment as his lover.
“As long as you don’t scare me like that again,” he says. “I’ll try.”
He’s concerned that it’s not good enough for her, but she smiles. “Why do you always put the blame back on me?”
Even the lighthearted tone is reassuring. “I won’t say it’s because it’s usually your fault… but…” He doesn’t need to finish before she’s frowning, and they’ve regained the ease he so hoped to find by the end of the conversation. However, he knows better than to assume amends have been secured so fast.
“I still don’t know if that’s enough to compensate for how you embarrassed me,” she says. “Can you imagine those guys talking about how mean you are? How unprofessional that was? How dumb I am?”
Truthfully, he has pondered it. It’s not just her, but to lose his composure like he did and reprimand her, not just as a shinobi, but as a significant other—it was probably much more dramatic than he remembers it to be. He’s sure he’ll overhear gossip about it at some point.
“Hmmm while they may be right about that last part, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” He smirks when she makes to punch his shoulder, but she remembers she’s supposed to be bed-ridden and injured. He’s quite enjoying this.
“But I am worried about it, and I want you to make it up to me.”
“Make it up to you huh?”
She nods, and he eyes her curiously. It would be easy enough to just resort to more wisecracks to get out of this, but he knows she’s not kidding. He knows he’ll have to atone in some way beyond the sincerity of what he’s said here.
“Like what?” he asks, preparing for something ludicrous and out of his zone of comfort, because what else should he expect?
She says nothing, but the way she pats her lips and makes those little kissy noises is more than enough for him, and he’s shaking his head before she can even blink.
“I don’t think so,” he says as he stands from the bed, inadvertently reaching for his mask and assuring that it’s secure. It’s a bad habit she’s pushed onto him. If they were at home and by themselves, she’d try to reach and tug it down. Now he’s constantly paranoid. Again, everything is always her fault.
“What do you mean?” she gripes. “You owe me that much.”
“Too many people around. Too risky.”
“A shinobi must always remain vigilant.”
She’s frowning again, more like pouting, but with the bandage on her face she doesn’t look very cute, maybe a little threatening, in fact. He’s looking forward to when she gets it off so he can tease her without feeling the sting of guilt every time he sees the wounds. But it’s a slow process, he’s learned. Better not to rush it in hopes that it’ll help ease the tension.
“Where are you going?” she asks as he steps away.
“You shouldn’t be here for too much longer, I don’t think. I think I’ll go finish up some reports in the meantime.” Now the frown is sincere, and he can tell she’s dismayed with how quick he is to retreat from this little skirmish. “What? I still have to make it up to you, right? I’ll need to get my responsibilities out of the way so I’m free for the rest of the night.”
Damn, he’s good at this, even when he’s not trying. She tries to read the connotation in his voice, always so ambiguous, but the wit and promise in his voice is all the same.
“Fine.” She settles back comfortably into her bed. “Just make it quick.”
And as he leaves the hospital he’s relieved that it was much easier than he expected, though no less distressed by the fact it happened at all. He knows he’ll have to watch himself next time, even if it’s a difficult resolve to make. When it comes to her, he’s not sure he can keep his own promises. He’d be willing to endure another lecture like that if it meant keeping her safe, anyway.