Ooooo okay. This could have been a yes or no question and I could have left it at that but y’all know me with my unnecessarily extensive posts so this is going under the cut

To put it simply for those who don’t wanna read all this: No. He wouldn’t be. 

And I think the fact it’s plainly obvious that he’s my favorite Naruto character should erase any suspicions of me being unfairly bias when I say that. I’m not just saying it because he’s an asshole

In fact—and I don’t mean to dig at people—but a majority of the time, I see others write him off as being a 100% jerk and give no more thought to it. I guess that’s just natural given how he’s portrayed a majority of the time in the anime and manga, but I do see a different side of him. There’s more to the asshole exterior. I think there’s more potential there for his character if you look close enough. That in mind, I still don’t think it’s enough credibility to mark him as a good s/o but anywayyyyyy

In essence, if you can handle Tobirama’s brash attitude and his ignorance then okay yeah, he might still be a good s/o in your eyes. It’s just not going to be an entirely healthy relationship. Just a personal disclaimer though: I don’t think it’s easy to have a completely healthy relationship. I just don’t. I’m not saying it’s impossible or unheard of, but it’s just not easy. Obstacles will be in the way and I think especially in the shinobi world, and during Tobirama’s time in the founders era when contention was high even after Konoha’s establishment, you have to expect there to be setbacks in a relationship. Unfortunately, those setbacks are almost second nature when it comes to a relationship with Tobirama. 

Of course I love imagining Tobirama with a s/o because I think he deserves one (even if this post implies otherwise) but I think when it comes down to it, and if Naruto verse has implicated as such, he’d just work better without one. Work comes before anything else. Even if he really loved a s/o, that’s going to be a hard reality to accept at times. Even if it’s his pre-Hokage days, he was still dealing with Hashirama. And before that, the warring time. He’s always been busy. I don’t think there was ever a point in Tobirama’s life where he found free time to pursue a relationship. Which is why my favorite scenario for Tobirama is an arranged marriage AU. I personally just see that as one of the only ways you’re getting Tobirama in a relationship. Otherwise, if it was a casual relationship, and even if he really liked you, it would just be so difficult. He prioritizes work, blows the lid on his temper way too easily, and doesn’t have a sensitivity chip. If you’re a sensitive person, then Tobirama is not for you. When he’s angry, he doesn’t hold back. And there’s no saying he’s going to apologize for what he did either, in extreme cases

Let’s just take a play by play on this, I guess:

Tobirama is controlling. I’ve probably said that in other headcanons before, but he is. His intentions are to protect you and keep you out of harm’s way because really, he’s just protective. But he doesn’t always execute it well. You’ll feel constantly stifled and pressured by him to do what he wants, and when he wants. He gives you a hard time when you try to be independent or brush off his counsel

His pride is also a very big obstacle. He’ll do anything to save his pride. Whether that’s refusing to admit his guilt and consequently blaming you for mistakes/arguments even if they were definitely his fault, or, not showing you any affection because he’s afraid it will peg his pride. So if he’s constantly giving you a hard time and not compensating by showing you that he actually cares, you get pretty tired of it. It’s only expected. However, I will say that when it comes to reassuring you of his feelings and showing you that affection you need, he will do it eventually. You just have to wait for it. But that’s also a hassle. It gets draining after a while. The cycle of “why is he being so mean to me then trying to make up for it without even saying sorry?” just kinda sucks

He’ll yell at you a lot if he’s in a mood. For the smallest of mistakes. He’ll yell at you in public too like Tobirama doesn’t care. He yells at everybody. Goes back to his temper problem. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tobirama could make even the most strong-willed, callous s/o cry. He’ll make you cry a lot if you’re the type who cries easily. Even if you’re not the type, tbh. You know when someone yells at you/snaps at you and it bothers you for days? That’s what Tobirama will do to you if he’s in a volatile mood. Even if he’s not yelling at you, that cold glare and those sharp eyes are just scary when he’s irritated or when he’s talking down to you. Oh and condescending you: definitely a thing he could do. Tobirama can put you down a lot if he’s in a vindictive mood

So in general yeah he can be a huge asshole and being with him can 100% lead to an unhealthy relationship… But maybe in the beginning it would be okay? When he’s getting used to the relationship and actually trying to be a nice guy so he doesn’t intimidate you. But at some point, Tobirama just stresses out with work and he finds his train of thought focusing only on that work. Anything can set him off. Anything can irritate him. The arguments will be constant. You already know Tobirama is combative and will argue about literally anything, so it’s too easy to get into arguments with him. In some extreme cases, it would be abnormal to go a day without arguing

All this being said, I do have to give Tobirama some credit, if you can forgive him after all of this:

It might just depend on who his s/o is. What kind of person they are and how they react to him. If his s/o is passive and not combative at all, it’s easier for him to see the error of his ways and apologize for his behavior. That might not be enough compensation of course, but he feels incredibly guilty and knows he’s not being fair. In general, his mood might be more placid and you can avoid the arguments and tension. He’s actually pretty pleasant aside from the occasional attitude when he’s stressed

With a hardheaded s/o who also has an attitude and will argue in circles with him, it riles him up even more and the angrier he is, the farther that empathy and sensitivity to see the error of his ways is pushed. It takes a longer time for him to come around and apologize. It also takes a while for the frustration to go away and for the guilt to set in. Like I said, Tobirama will feel guilt for all he’s done eventually. Heavy, painful guilt. He doesn’t like hurting his s/o. He can’t help the way he is. He wishes he was different but he’s been like this for too long. It’s just with a stubborn and combative s/o (which let’s be fair: it’s natural you’d want to defend yourself when Tobirama gets snappy) he can’t really see past his anger when he’s in one of his moods, so it just makes the relationship so much more difficult. It’s with this kind of s/o that you’d see all the obstacles arise

I’m always in angsty moods, but when I’m in particularly angsty moods, I like to imagine that Tobirama is constantly afraid his s/o is going to leave him. Every time he fucks up and starts yelling at them or arguing with them about something, there’s an alarm going off in his head that says “Stop right now you idiot, or they’re going to pack up and leave you when this is over” but his anger fuels him and he can’t stop. He has to have the last word. He has to be right and he has to prove you wrong 

And one fatal flaw with Tobirama, is that although when you look at him you wouldn’t think he’s the type who could ever feel deep, deep compassion for another human being, when and if Tobirama finds someone he really cares about—loves, even—it’s so difficult for him to live without them. He just can’t see himself not being with them from that point on. They serve as a reminder that life isn’t all work and strain, but there’s good things in life too. They ground him. Which is why I think having a s/o would benefit Tobirama in a lot of ways. The compassion he feels for them just shifts his perspective on a lot of things. It’s that sentiment that drives the guilt when he upsets them, and leads him to try and make up for it in the end, even if he knows they might not forgive him. But he doesn’t want them to get tired of him. They could go find someone else who treats them a lot better, and he knows that. And it makes him panic sometimes. So he’d try hard to keep his temper under wraps and to be fair with his s/o, but sometimes, it’s just not possible. That’s just the kind of man Tobirama is

I’m so fucking extra sorry but basically yeah Tobirama has his ups and downs, leaning more toward the downs if he clashes easily with his s/o. ALSO to make it clear: I’m not trying to romanticize unhealthy relationships. If I were in a bad relationship w Tobirama Senju I would leave his ass on the spot. I would encourage anyone to lmao. I’m just saying that there are ways to work around a relationship with him and that he’s not completely heartless, which is why although I don’t think he would be a for sure good s/o, he wouldn’t be downright bad. He’d deeply care about a s/o if he found someone he liked, it’s just a matter of how you handle the relationship. And really, I think the way his and his s/o’s personalities mixed would really determine if he was ‘super volatile and cold’ Tobirama, or ‘decent and relatively pleasant’ Tobirama. 

Signed, 

The admin who thinks way too much about this on a daily basis

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